I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
