Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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