just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
