piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Found the puke drawer
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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