I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
