I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
