Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
