Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
