I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
