used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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