I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
