Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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