Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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