i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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