So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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