I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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