She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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