Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
