He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
