got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
