Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
