Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
