I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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