I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
dude. I can hear the air.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
