guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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