I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
