i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
