Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
