from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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