Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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