I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
