i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
