dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
