All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
