I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's shark week go big or go home
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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