No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need water and some morals
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
