in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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