I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
