So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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