My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
