if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
