this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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