Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
