He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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