I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
