She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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