i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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