hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
