Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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