I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
