Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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