Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
