Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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