But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
