When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
